The Art of Scamming
by tedrosintheskywithchocolate
Summary: Agatha Castellano has had an uneventful life. She's a broke college student living in New Mexico, trying to find free textbooks for the next school year. Until one day, when two computer viruses and a mysterious guy named Tedros come into her life and turn it upside down...


It was 3:42 PM on a chilly summer's day in Gavaldon, New Mexico, and Agatha apparently had a computer virus. She reread the flashing popup for the fortieth time and let out a groan.

**WARNING!** it announced in angry red letters. **Your computer may be infected. The system has detected two (2) potentially malicious viruses. Your personal and financial information may not be safe. To remove viruses, call Tech Support online now at +1 (866) 627-4049.**

_This is definitely a scam, _Agatha thought, already regretting as she dialed the number on her phone. After so many rings she thought she wouldn't get a response, a man on the other side reluctantly picked up.

"Hi," a deep, glum voice responded. "How are you doing today-"

"Alright, let's cut the crap - I just got a popup on my computer and it's glaringly obvious to me that it's not an official Apple Support thing, and I'm not exactly a tech-savvy girl. It told me to call this number for 'tech support' so that you can hack my computer system and do whatever the hell you scammers do. To be completely honest, I don't give a damn whether you steal the couple hundreds I have left in the bank or not but what I truly detest are liars. So I want to know if you actually detected Troyjen Cattle and if so I want you to remove them right now, or I will call the police."

Agatha took several deep breaths to calm down. She thought about what her therapist always told her when she got particularly angry: _"In with the calm, out with the anxiety." _Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. In-

The man on the line began to chuckle, startling her out of her meditative state.

"What's so funny?" she snapped.

"Trojan Horses."

"What?!"

"The viruses. They're called Trojan Horses, not Troyjen Cattle."

Agatha blanched. "Oh."

The man continued to giggle at her expense. She felt her blood boiling.

"Well, that doesn't change the fact that I can call the authorities right now on your sorry scammer asses! I demand that you remove these Horses at once!"

He was practically cackling now. She imagined tears of hysteria streaming down his stupid fat face. Stupid, stupid, stupid! She hated this man. No, she absolutely _detested_ him. She had never hated anyone so much in her life!

"I'm going to count to three," she snapped. "If you don't stop this incessant noise I am seriously calling the cops."

"No, you wouldn't. You're bluffing," he mumbled. _Gross,_ she thought. _He's talking with his mouth full. That habit is _disgusting_._

"You don't know me," she growled. "I am tougher than I look- um, sound. I will not hesitate to-"

"Yeah, yeah. Look, miss..."

"Agatha. Agatha Castellano."

"Well, hello Agatha, it's nice to meet you. I'm Tedros and I highly doubt you're going to do that, considering your recent history of crime."

Agatha stiffened. "Well, Mr. _Tedros_, I'll let you know that I've never committed a single crime in my life!"

"Was worth a try," he responded, still loudly chewing.

She scowled. "You're definitely the most horrible scammer I've ever had to deal with in my life. First of all, your virus pop-up alert was clearly unofficial. I mean, it was flashing red for god's sake! No legitimate alert would ever come across as intimidating-"

"Hort was in charge of artistic design. I _told_ him red was too aggressive and he should've chosen something a little mellower like baby blue or pastel pink, but he said pink reminds him too much of his ex-girlfriend Sophie. It was her signature color or whatever. Hort was really upset when she ran off on their wedding night with his other ex, Nicola, and I guess he channeled his anger into our color scheme. Never thought Sophie was a good egg, to be honest. There was always something a bit off about her-"

"I don't _care _about your friend Wart's relationship problems, or that Sofia and Niccolo ended up eloping," Agatha groaned. "I wasn't finished! Second, this entire phone call you've been completely unprofessional. Whether it was eating while you talk (_so_ gross, by the way) or shrieking like a rabid banshee at everything I say, you come across as an ugly creep who's really bad at social interactions."

"I'd like to disagree with this as well, considering I've had quite a few girlfriends, none of which called me ugly nor a creep. In fact, if you'd like, I could give you my ex Beatrix's number and she'd gush all about how perfect I am and how much she wants me back-"

"For the last time, STOP WITH THE INTERRUPTIONS!" she shouted into the phone.

She heard her therapist's soothing voice in her mind. _Calm down, Agatha. Remember: in with the calm, out with the anxi-_

"Oh my god, shut UP, Dr. Dovey!"

"Huh?" Tedros asked, swallowing the last of his protein bar.

"That's- she's- well, um, it's... nothing. _Lastly_, you have revealed a ton of personal information to me. Your name, your coworker's name, two of his ex's, one of your ex's... I'm probably missing somebody."

"How do you know that anything I said was true?" he asked calmly. "For all you know, I could have been lying. Hort might not exist. My name might be Pedro. Sophie and Nicola might _not_ be lesbians (but I promise that part, at least, is true). And I distinctly recall you telling me your name as well, Ms. Agatha Castellano."

The woman was taken aback. _He's better than I thought he was_, she realized. _I have to tread lightly._

"Wow. Um, Tedros, I'm sorry for... assuming. And you're right, you do know my name now. However, this doesn't change the fact that if you don't remove these, um, Trojans this instant, I will call the police. For real this time! Three, two-"

"That won't be necessary," he interrupted. "They were taken care of about five minutes ago, while you were screaming about how gross it is that I talk with my mouth full. Sorry about that, I didn't realize I was doing that."

"WHAT?"

"The viruses are gone. Erased. Finito."

"Wait- what- how… why?!"

"Because I am not an ugly, creepy scammer, Agatha. Or, I guess I could be ugly and creepy, though _many_ would beg to differ, but I am most definitely not a scammer. I actually do work for Apple Tech Support."

"How- how do I know you're telling the truth?"

"If you don't mind giving me access to screen share your computer, I can explain the whole thing face to face and show proof. Sort of like a FaceTime. Unless, of course, you still think I'm lying..."

Agatha was thoroughly flummoxed. _Well, if he is a scammer, after all, he deserves the money he manages to find for being such a talented actor,_ she reasoned, accepting his request.

The screen share enabled, she could suddenly see the man she'd been yelling at for the past half hour. And boy had she been wrong about his appearance. Instead of the chubby nerd she'd expected to view, Tedros was fit and handsome. His face was as chiseled as a supermodel's or some hotshot Hollywood actor. She suddenly felt self-conscious about her appearance, noticing the frizziness of her black hair and cringing at the thought of her massive, bug eyes. Little did she know that Tedros was ogling her as well and thinking the exact same things.

They snapped out of their dazes at around the same time and her neck flushed crimson with humiliation. _Get ahold of yourself, Agatha,_ she thought. _He still might be a criminal. Damn these stupid hormones._

"Where's this proof you were mentioning?" she asked casually, hoping he wouldn't spot the fierce blush that was spreading to her face. Luckily for her, Tedros hadn't even noticed that she was slowly becoming a tomato, as he was focused more on his own reddening ears.

"Oh, yeah, that." He flashed her his official Apple ID and a quick smile. "See? I'm not a scammer."

She relaxed, happy that the stressful ordeal was finally over. "So the pop-up was legitimate? How-"

"Yeah. It's like I said - Hort is still really broken up about the Sophie and Nicola situation. Basically what happened was that whatever website you were on started installing some Trojans, which Apple detected, and that led to you calling me. What on earth were you googling?"

"Nothing," she answered quickly. Too quickly.

"C'mon Agatha, you're clearly lying. I can see it all over your face."

Agatha groaned. "Fine. I was looking for free textbooks online. You see, they're super expensive, and I really needed a bunch because I'm going into grad school this fall..."

"No worries. I totally understand- I just got out of grad school. Where are you going?"

"St. John's."

"No way! That's where I went! That's crazy since it's such a small school. Wow, we just missed meeting each other by one year!"

She laughed. "Yeah, that is a weird coincidence."

"Well, since I won't be needing my old textbooks anymore, I can just give you mine. Free of charge."

"What?" she gasped. "No, stop, you're being too nice-"

"Seriously, it's no big deal," he assured her. "I promise. You can come by the Apple Store tomorrow around this time and I'll just give them to you. Okay?"

"Fine," she sighed.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. Good luck at St. John's Agatha, you're going to love it."

"Wait!' Agatha exclaimed.

Tedros came back to his computer with a furrowed brow. "What's wrong?"

Her face felt like it was on fire. Already regretting her bravado, she started to explain. "Um, well I feel really bad about being so rude to you before when I thought you were a... um..."

"Scammer," he supplied helpfully.

"Yes. That. And this whole textbook thing you're doing? I really appreciate it. So... how about I buy you a coffee afterwards?" she stammered out.

His eyes widened.

"Unless you don't want to which is totally fine, I really don't mind-"

"No, no, I'd... I'd love that, actually," he said with a little smile.

She exhaled hard. "So around about 4 ish?"

"Yep!" he grinned. "It's a date."


End file.
